The Dilemma of the Longsuffering

It seems like in many relationships, whether they're with family members, friends, or romantic partners, there's always one person who is more of a peacekeeper than the other. In healthy relationships, sometimes I can't always tell who is more patient than the other, but in unhealthy, unbalanced relationships, it can be a lot more obvious, even to total strangers.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the quality of being "long-suffering" in relationships and how it hasn't much served me in the long run over the years. Some of us tend to attract more high maintenance personalities than others, and I am one of them. I could go into the whole psychology of why, but that's not really what I want to focus on with this post...

Recently, I found myself at a crossroads with a friend of mine. I had been working with this person for over three years on a personal writing project, and although in my mind I saw us as more friends than business partners, this person ultimately didn't see it that way. I kept allowing this person to call the shots as far as when we'd meet, how often we'd meet, and what we'd talk about when we got together (even if it was the person complaining about the same personal issues over and over again).

I had picked up on little clues over the years that this person has a rather ugly temper, despite being a normally charming human being. But I never imagined actually being on the other end of this temper! Then the phone call happened. After this completely jarring phone conversation in which this person yelled at me, cursed at me, and cut me off because she was feeling "frustrated" with her project, I realized I had officially hit my limit with what I would endure. Long story short, I expressed my displeasure at being spoken to that way, but this person was only able to see her side of the problem. She also couldn't bring herself to apologize because she didn't feel she was wrong. That particular relationship is now over.

Also recently, I found myself enduring subtle jabs and complaints from someone I worked with, and since I had recently had the miserable phone call with the other person that you just read about, the pitfalls of being long-suffering were strong on my mind. I decided that rather than endure this second person's horrible attitude and rudeness toward me, I would call her out on the carpet about it right then. I did so respectfully but also firmly. It was uncomfortable getting into that conflict, but we were able to discuss it as adults, and she saw the error in her ways (or at the very least she respected the fact that her behavior bothered me), and now, she keeps her attitude to a minimum when she's around me. I saved myself from having to deal with that sort of unwanted negativity, and the likelihood of it happening in the future is now minimal.

The problem I've seen, not only with myself but with other people, in letting bullies and/or martyrs get their way is that the manipulative behavior tends to continue. And it continues until it reaches a boiling point. Some people are able to endure it for years, even decades, but there always seems to be a tipping point when the person can take it no longer. Tackling those red flags early on is a way to save people a lot of wasted time.

One reason I have, over the years, allowed people to treat me badly is a lack of courage to stand up for myself. Once I realized that I deserved to have my needs met just as much as the next person, it became a lot easier to speak out instead of remain long-suffering. But it was a long process getting there.

Do you consider yourself a long-suffering type of person? How long does it usually take you to reach the tipping point of putting up with bad behavior? 

XoXo

Scarlett

Tiny House Love

Ever since I saw --> this documentary <-- on YouTube about tiny houses, I have been in love with them. Take a peek at some of the pictures of tiny homes I found on Pinterest.

Tiny houses are appealing to me because not only are they cute and adorable, they're incredibly eco-friendly. The amount of electricity you'd use staying in one would be greatly smaller than the amount of electricity you'd use in a traditional house. Also, the idea of living in one inspires me creatively. It seems like it'd be the perfect quiet spot to write fiction.

Tiny houses also force you to get rid of all of your excess stuff. A few years ago, I went through my entire house and decluttered it. I gave away things that I didn't use and didn't love, and I whittled down all of my keepsakes so that they'd fit into one folder or one box per person. How often do we hang onto items just because other people gave them to us, when we don't really like them or use them?

We also tend to store things in closets and drawers and forget we even have them, so getting rid of those things is very liberating, too. A simplified home space creates a feeling of tranquility in me.

Sometimes I find myself buying furniture or wall art just to fill up empty space in my house. Having a tiny house would eliminate the need to do that.

A few drawbacks of living in a tiny house include not being able to soak in a big bathtub, not being able to cook using a normal-sized stove, and not feeling particularly safe in the dangerous Texas weather.

It also wouldn't be the most ideal space if you wanted to own a pet. But then again, dogs like mine (weenie dogs) like to burrow in small spaces. He might actually be just fine living in a smaller space, as long as he had a nice yard to run around in.

What do you think of tiny houses? Would you ever live in one? Why/why not? Comments welcome!


-SK

Get 'Vicious'

I stumbled across the PBS sitcom Vicious a couple of years ago. It was around New Years, and I turned on the TV and just happened to see the holiday special. It immediately hooked me and made me and my husband crack up laughing. It wasn't until this Christmas that my husband surprised me with the gift of season 1 and 2, as well as the finale on DVD.

Vicious is refreshing, not only because it is a sharp comedy about about a gay couple, but that it's about a gay couple in their 70s. Main characters Stuart and Freddie have been together for decades and have managed to perfect their vicious teasing of one another. The show is full of brilliant banter but also has some real tear-jerker moments. The dialog is fantastic, and the acting top-notch.

With a cast like this, you almost can't go wrong. My only complaint is that it was such a short run with only two seasons, a finale, and a holiday special. I would have loved to see a few more seasons.

The show stars Sir Ian McKellen and Sir Derek Jacobi in the genius performances of Freddie and Stuart, as well as hilarious supporting cast Francis de la Tour, Iwan Rheon, Marcia Warren, and Phillip Voss.

It really is one of the best sitcoms I've ever seen, and I recommend buying the whole set of DVDs. They're well worth your money. I treasure my set and cannot wait to share it with friends.

Here's a --> link to PBS <-- where you can see some previews and also purchase the discs.

If you've seen the show, I'd love to know what you think! Feel free to leave a comment below.


XoXo

Scarlett

Why Guys Shouldn't Be Afraid to Go Glam

You've gotta love Iggy Pop. He's never been one to conform to societal norms. And in the above quote, he makes a really good point. It does seem like we have a double standard when it comes to wearing whatever you want. It reminds me of the intro of this Madonna song: 

Evan Rachel Wood proved Madonna's point at this year's Golden Globes by wearing a suit instead of a dress. It didn't cause any sort of outrage. She even got praised for it. And she did look great!

But if, for instance, Ryan Gosling had shown up in a gown, or even in make-up, a wig, or jewelry, it would have been all over the news. Why is that? In nature, the males of many different species are typically the most flashy of the sexes. Take peacocks for example.

So why can't homo sapiens do the same without making a huge fuss over it? Who made these rules anyway?

I'm not saying that everyone needs to wear makeup. I say do what you want. If you don't like wearing makeup, you shouldn't have to wear it, even if you're a woman. Alicia Keys has stopped wearing makeup, and good for her! It's a personal choice, and she still looks lovely.

I prefer to wear makeup, but it's more of an artistic thing and probably related to my love of theatre and performing. I like the way I look in makeup, both soft and daring. I also like wigs! I like the option of choosing different looks for myself based on my mood, but again it's a personal choice that shouldn't be limited to one person or the other.

Also, guys who want to wear makeup don't necessarily need to go full-on drag queen, unless they want to of course! There are lots of examples of celebrities who have gone glam and have also kept it mixed with traditional masculine wear. For example, Adam Lambert.

Sexy! 

Another example of make-up looking fantastic on a man and manages to keep it masculine is America's Got Talent contestant, juggler Viktor Kee. Doesn't he look fantastic?

I love it. So guys, if you want to stick with your makeup-free faces, and your suits and your t-shirts and jeans, be my guest. But you really shouldn't be ashamed to go glam if you want to. Who knows? It might catch on. Personally, I'd love to see more men "peacocking" on the Red Carpet and in real life. But that's just my preference. You are certainly allowed to have yours. Just remember the advice that Dr. Frank N Furter gave us in The Rocky Horror Picture Show: "Don't dream it; be it!"

XoXo

Scarlett

Queen of Swords Tarot Art

Whether you believe Tarot cards are the divinely guided tools of psychics or nothing but pure entertainment, there's no denying that many decks out there are works of art. I have collected decks over the years, some purely because I loved the art on them.

One of my favorite cards, and one I currently identify with, is the Queen of Swords. Here are seven gorgeous Queen of Swords cards from different decks. (The following card meaning is quoted directly from www.biddytarot.com.)

Universal Fantasy Tarot

"The Queen of Swords represents the sternness of a mature intellect which is devoid of emotion. In mythology, the feminine is associated with emotion, yet in this card the woman is stern and composed, and without much feeling. This card therefore represents the intellect’s ability to judge and discern impartially, without the influence of emotion or sentimentality."

Art Nouveau Tarot

"She likes to know the how, what, why, where, when and who of everything to help her make sense of her environment and to better understand others. It is not that she does not care about others but she connects to other people through an intellectual understanding rather than an emotional understanding."

Love and Mystery Tarot

"The Queen of Swords is a sign that you need to be independent in thought and in judgement. You must use your unbiased intelligence in order to make a judgement of a particular situation, drawing upon every piece of information and fact that you have gathered along the way."

Manga Tarot

"Empathy or compassion towards others may distract you from the task at hand, so it is important that you think with your head and not with your heart at this particular time. Do not let emotion get in the way. Rather, use fact and logic to make your decisions."

Secret Tarot

"The Queen of Swords also has an innate ability to tell it like it is. She is a quick thinker and highly perceptive, and as such, she can cut through the noise and confusion to get straight to the point."

Paulina Tarot

"There is certainly no ‘beating about the bush’, or ‘softening’ of her comments, opinions and thoughts. She is upfront and honest about her opinions, and expects the same from others. The best way to interact with the Queen of Swords, therefore, is to remain as impartial as possible, and to present your thoughts and opinions concisely and honestly."

Yoshitaka Amano Tarot

Okay, Scarlett speaking again. I think we all reach times in our lives when we're at a crossroads. We can either continue down the path we've been going on, or we can pay attention to all the red flags and spotlights on what's wrong and choose a new route.

There are some things in my life that need to change, and over the years I've been inching toward them, not quite ready, but getting closer, and closer. This year, I'm ready. I'm thinking logically and cutting through the BS excuses I've made for myself. It is the only way I'm going to implement and stick with those changes.

This card is sort of working like a symbol for me, reminding me of what I need to do to take myself to the next level of growth and success, both with my writing and personally, with my mental and physical health. The road may be rocky at times, but I have my sights set on a clear goal.

I hope that everyone can meet their goals this year, and if not meet them at least get closer to them, and that 2017 proves to be a year of good things for everybody, no matter what that definition is for you.

Much love!

XoXo

Scarlett

Judi Dench as Titania

I started writing this post a couple of days ago when suddenly the news let us know about Carrie Fisher's passing. And then, not 48 hours later, her mother, Debbie Reynolds, went to be with her daughter. I put this post on hold to write a tribute to Carrie, but now I'm returning to this one for Throwback Thursday.

One fine celebrity I am so glad the world hasn't lost yet is Judi Dench!

When I think of Dame Judi Dench, the role that tends to come to mind is her role as M in James Bond.

So it took me a few minutes to recognize her in the 1968 version of A Midsummer Night's Dream, which I was watching on TV.

These pictures are black and white, but in the film she's an earthy shade of green, which fits her role of Titania.

It was her unique voice that I recognized first. Then I started noting her appearance, and after looking it up, sure enough, this is a young, gorgeous Judi!

She was such a pretty young woman who became a beautiful older woman. Sweet, talented Judi, I hope we still have you for years to come! <3


XoXo

SK

Carrie Fisher - More than Princess Leia

Today I have been tremendously sad about Carrie Fisher's passing. As a massive Star Wars fan, it feels like I've lost a family member since she's been a part of my happy imaginative world away from reality ever since I was a child. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

But as I got older, I discovered there was more to Carrie than just being Princess Leia in Star Wars. She was also a hell of a writer and one of the funniest women on the planet. Several years ago, I read her book Wishful Drinking, and found it to be a truly hilarious and brutally honest biography in which she tells some wonderfully candid tales about working on Star Wars and also gives us a peek into who she really was as a person. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It's one of the best books I've ever read, really, both in the bio and comedy categories.

After getting a peek at the woman behind the gold bikini, I checked out the movie Postcards from the Edge, which is based off another book of hers, also biographical, this one going more into her life as an addict and an actress, and also about her dysfunctional but still loving relationship between her and her mother. Meryl Streep plays the main character in the film, and I found it to be one of the best, and funniest movies I've ever seen.

So as we mourn yet another beloved celebrity death, I hope you'll take the opportunity, if you haven't read Wishful Drinking or seen or read Postcards from the Edge to do so, in honor of Carrie's passing. They're well worth your time and will help you understand more of who she really was, which was much more than just Princess Leia. They'll also make you smile and laugh, both of which are desperately needed during sad times like these.


-SK