Bisexual Health Awareness Month 2016

March is Bisexual Health Awareness Month, and to contribute, I wanted to write a post regarding one of the aspects of bisexuality that needs more visibility.

Here's an infographic from Glaad.org from a couple of years back:

All of it is important, but for this post, I'm going to be focusing on the violet circle on the bottom right of the graphic: Only considering a person either gay or straight, depending on the sex of the person's partner

I've been married to a man for the past eight years. For many, that would mean that I'm straight. But in reality, that shouldn't erase the fact that I have been in love with and/or had crushes on a number of women in my life. It also shouldn't assume that I'll never be attracted to people of other genders, be they women, intersex, or trans, during my marriage. All it means is that I chose someone who happens to be male to marry and be my partner in life.

I think in general, it's hard for people to understand gray areas, even though they absolutely do exist. We like to label things black or white, right or wrong, gay or straight. But married bisexuals do exist. Bisexuals who are in a monogamous relationship do exist (but the bisexual stereotype of not being monogamous is for another post! ;) )

Basically, being married to one gender does not exclude us from being attracted to other genders, no more than being married excludes straight or gay people from being attracted to others in their preferential gender category or categories.

It's sad to me that bisexuals have so many health problems that seem to stem from stress because they are not accepted or understood as they are. But talking about these issues and bringing them into public awareness is the place we need to start!

XOXO

Scarlett

The Elusive Attribution

I admit, I am one of those people who loves Pinterest. I find inspiring pictures on there all the time. But I've been noticing a bit of a trend that's not just Pinterest but it's also on other social media as well, and that is there are all these gorgeous photos circulating out there on the Internet with not a bit of attribution! No credit to the models or photographers. And that kind of bums me out because I think it's important that art gets credited to its creators.

Do you know of any place online a person can go to check the attribution of photography and other art? Here are a few examples of black and white photography (one of my favorites) that have no attribution. I'd love to figure out who the photographers are and who the models are. If anyone knows, please inform me in the comments!

XOXO

Scarlett

Valentine's Day: My Changing Attitude Over the Years

When I was in high school, I hated Valentine's Day with a passion. My friends and I called it "Single Awareness Day" before the term was popular, and we counted down the agonizing hours until it was over. Often, we'd have to endure all the popular girls squealing with delight as they received cards and chocolate and jewelry and flowers and big heart-shaped balloons, while we sat there at our desks all empty-hearted having gotten nothing. And to make matters worse, all the popular girls got all this affection from the very boys we had mad crushes on! Talk about depressing.

Into my early 20s, I had a little more luck some years for Valentine's Day, but it was still less than ideal. I had a serious crush on my close friend, but she was married and had made it clear she only saw me as a friend. Her gifts were strictly platonic. I remember a couple of guys I dated sort of half-assed the day. Some gave me a gift, and some didn't. They rarely had much time for me on the regular, so they certainly didn't go out of their way to really be romantic on this day. Overall, I was still left feeling "meh." I realized at that point that it wasn't the gift itself I wanted. Instead, it was a symbol I desired, a tangible sign that the guy I was screwing around with wanted more from me than just a great blowjob. I was hoping for something meaningful in the context of a real committed relationship, but the guys I was dating then were not in it for the long haul, so they saw no need to make the day special.

Finally, when I started dating my now-husband, I got the Valentine's Day I had been longing for. I had a little rent house by then, and I happily prepared a dinner of stroganoff with red wine and dessert and candles and had a cute, gigantic card to give him. After he drove up from out of town (we were dating long-distance), he presented me with a beautiful bouquet of red roses and a big heart-shaped tin of chocolates. But it was more than the gifts. The gifts were just a symbol. He gave me his time. He spent the weekend with me. He gave me his body and his heart. Ever since that day, I haven't felt the need to have a special Valentine's Day again, but sometimes I still like to do something romantic.

I understand that a lot of people think Valentine's Day is a corporate holiday meant to sell chocolates and roses and greeting cards, and on one hand, it is. The restaurants are typically packed to the max, and it's really difficult getting reservations. Plus, when you've been married to someone for years and you know that person loves you, it doesn't necessarily feel as imperative that you get treated in any special way on Valentine's Day.

But there still must be some little vestige of that old me who still gets a certain measure of satisfaction knowing I actually have someone worthwhile to spend the day with after all those years of dreading "Single Awareness Day." I think it's important, for me at least, to do something, even if it's picking up a heart-shaped cookie at the grocery store and sharing it while we watch something on Netflix. It's just an added bonus if we dress up and go out.

What about you? Do you prefer to celebrate Valentine's Day, or do you protest it as a money-making scam? No right or wrong answers, of course! And whatever you do this year, be it ignoring the hearts and flowers or embracing them, I hope the day is perfectly celebrated the way you want it to be. ;)

XOXO

Scarlett

Bikini Baristas - What's the Big Deal??

Just now on my G+ and Facebook pages, I shared a story and video on Bikini Baristas. Bikini Baristas are people who sell coffee while wearing very little in the way of clothing. Also, there aren't just female Bikini Baristas. There are some that are operated by good-looking shirtless guys.

Apparently Seattle started this off, and you can check out -->this website<-- if you're curious as to where some of these establishments are located, in and out of Seattle.

Naturally this kind of thing is causing a lot of ruckus from folks who think the scantily-clad baristas should put more clothes on. A lot of complaints come from people who have children, who are afraid of their kids seeing a nearly-naked human body.

Which brings me to my thoughts on all this: why the hell are we still making the human body such a scandal? As one of the baristas in the -->story/video<-- says, they aren't hurting anybody. So what's the big deal?

If people don't like it, then perhaps they shouldn't get their coffee from there. And really, while they're at it, they probably shouldn't ever go to the beach again, or turn on the TV, or leave the house because **gasp** they might see someone who is showing off their assets!

C'mon, people. If they're not hurting anything, and are making a living and also making many customers very happy, why try to shut 'em down?

What are your thoughts on it, blog readers?

XOXO

Scarlett

Bowie - A Few Words

I have loved him since I was five years old, my Goblin King from the world of Labyrinth.

He was the first celebrity that ever appeared in one of my vivid dreams. 

This creative, daring, fascinating soul - this true artist - will live on with us in spirit, forever a part of our lives, his art still here for us and future generations to treasure for years to come. 

I feel so lucky to have been alive during the time that this man was here on Earth.

RIP, David Bowie.

100 Orgasms a Year = Longer Life?

I was watching the Steve Harvey show yesterday afternoon, and he had on some health specialists who were talking about all the things we can do to help us live longer. They discussed diet, exercise, sleep - all the usual stuff. But what caught my attention was this: apparently, having 100+ orgasms a year can add years to our lives. If that isn't a reason to have more sex, whether it's solo or with someone, I don't know what is!

It's funny because it seems like sex is the only so-called "healthy" thing that I can think of that still has shame attached to it. Why is that? If sex is good for you, if having orgasms actually increases our longevity, why on earth do we still try treat it like it's something to be ashamed of?

I recently read Alan Cumming's autobiography, Not My Father's Son, and there's a part in there about how when he was younger, he was out in the field masturbating and realized after he'd climaxed that a man had been watching him. He states in the book that that moment was a pivotal one for him, as far as shame was concerned. Though his initial reaction was embarrassment and he had the desire to cover himself, he ultimately decided not to be ashamed of what he'd done. It was normal. It felt good. Why suddenly cower at the thought of someone else knowing about it? I really liked his idea of saying no to shame. And I'm certainly glad he embraced his natural sexuality or we would have missed out on an incredibly super-sexy Emcee in Cabaret!

Let's all say no to shame and get our 100+ orgasms in this year! ;)

Happy 2016!

XOXO

Scarlett

Tornadoes in December

So today I wake up and turn on the TV and see what I call "disaster porn" all over the news because tornadoes have ripped through the Dallas area...in December!! The news media just seems like a bunch of vultures preying on all the poor survivors who are clearly in shock as they stand in front of their demolished homes. But that's what viewers want, right? They want to be able to look at all the horrible situations other people are going through and be thankful they don't have to go through it? Or are people just addicted to shitty situations?

It's kinda sucky and kinda exploitative to focus on this sort of thing. But when I change the channel, it's a bunch of political commentators arguing about the state of the world and who's the better candidate and verbally trashing the other guy. So ultimately I decide to put a movie on: the documentary Advanced Style. Ah, much better!

It's horrible when people lose their belongings. Living in North Texas, I am well aware of the fact that any severe storm could whip through here and take out my house and possibly my life or the lives of those I love. I've been aware of this possibility since I was a little girl. But I think it's a mistake to dwell on these things. Maybe it's because I've never been as materialistic as my peers, but I just feel like stuff can be replaced. Stuff is just stuff. It's inanimate. It frays and crumbles. It only has the importance we place on it. If you lose your home, guess what? There are more homes! If you lose your iPad, guess what? There are more iPads! Even sentimental things don't really matter because ultimately, the only reason they're sentimental is because they are associated with memories we already hold in our minds and our hearts.

I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions anymore because when I discover something about my life that needs to change, I'll make the resolution in March or June or whenever I need to. But I will say that in 2016, I'll be embracing an attitude about life that I've been moving toward this past year, and that is not to be so serious.

I do think there is a time for being serious. For instance, when you or a loved one is going through losing someone they love. But one can only hope that these times are few and far in between. Life has a way of providing disappointments in spades, but we have the ability to give them weight to slow us down or let them go and stop obsessively focusing on them.

I feel like we have a choice of what we want to focus on. And the things I'm drawn toward at age 32 are the happy, the fun, the artistic, the colorful, the soothing, the outrageous, the humorous, the sexy, the inspiring, etc.

Does it seem like this generation is preoccupied with Gloom and Doom? Take one look at the news and it becomes pretty apparent! Well, frankly, I don't like this trend. And unless our attention is somehow helping to change the situation for the better, I don't think gloom and doom deserve so much focus.

In closing, here's a gif of a tiny snake wearing a top hat and a fake mustache.