Imagining Better Relationships

Earlier today, I was having a conversation with a family member about another family member who is in a very volatile, dysfunctional relationship. There's a lot of fighting and disrespect and emotional and physical abuse within it. But even though they seem to hate each other, they can't ever stay apart for very long. At one point, the family member I was talking to said, "I wonder if he just can't imagine that there's another possible life out there for him."

And you know, I think she's absolutely right.

How many of us have known someone, or have been in a situation ourselves, where we can't imagine life without a certain relationship? Even if this relationship is destructive, we still feel stuck. I think that sometimes we wrap up our very identity in the knowing of another person, and that can be a huge mistake. I'm guilty of this in my own life, but the thing is, we may not realize it, but we always have options for different, better relationships with people, which can create for us different, better lives.

We have options. All we have to do is imagine ourselves in that better life, and it's all of a sudden possible. But if you never try to imagine it, and you think you are the mess you're in, then you are placing self-imposed restrictions on your freedom. You're the one shackling yourself to the mess.

This can apply to thoughts, too. Imagine what you'd be like without that negative, obsessive, fearful thought you carry around every day. Wouldn't life be so much more peaceful without it? Wouldn't you stand a little taller and feel a lot lighter? If you can imagine it, you can make it happen.

In order to get freedom from something, we must disassociate our identity with it. We must imagine the better options. We must believe the healthier relationship is possible in order to make ourselves available for it to happen. And it's even possible for a shitty relationship to turn around - as long as both people are willing to imagine that future where they don't hate one another but love and respect each other.

Love and romance do not have to be torture! It doesn't have to include constant fighting and misery. People have options. As long as we're still alive, there's always hope for something better.


XOXO

Scarlett

Sex Ed and Finicky Parents

(Previously blogged on Goodreads 8/27/14)

I remember when my mother told me about sex. I wasn't very old, maybe 5 or 6. I'd been asking her a lot of questions, and rather than avoid me, she bravely drove me out to our small town Wal-Mart and explained everything as we sat in the car in the parking lot.

And I mean, so told me everything.

With drawings on notebook paper.

Yes, it was a little bit of a shock. I was silent for the drive back home and didn't speak to her for the rest of the day.

You mean to tell me that men put THAT in THERE??

Well, fast-forward to now, and I've gotten over my horror. Also, growing up, if I had any questions about sex, I felt like I could comfortably go to my mother, and she'd be open with me. So her telling me at a young age didn't scar me for life or turn me into a nympho. 

I think parents should educate their children about sex as soon as the kids show a healthy curiosity about it. If you wait and avoid it, you risk doing more damage than if you gently explain the facts of nature at the time of their curiosity.

Parents who freak out and avoid talking about sex with their kids because it makes them uncomfortable aren't doing their children any favors. The kids are bound to find out from other people and in other ways, and it'd be better if you were the person they came to with questions and not, say, the Internet.

It's the same with educating kids about drinking, too. You can't hide under a blanket and pretend it doesn't exist. They will find out about it, and if they don't have a clear picture of the do's and don't's, they're more apt to figure it out the hard way.

Sex is natural. It can be beautiful part of life. What better person to educate their children than the ones who brought them into this world?

XOXO

Scarlett